Simply South

Not one of my best works, but I am publishing it anyways as it is a dedication To all the South Indians with whom I shave a love-hate relationship!

There are so many things that are peculiar about South Indians. You can either hate them for that or love them for that, but can never be of a neutral opinion. I, however, have achieved the feat of swinging between both the ends of the spectrum. For some things, I have loved them and for some things I wish their ‘race’ did not exist.

Let me first be kind- the food! It’s amazing, we agree. The dosas are heavenly and the rasams are delectable. But then you don’t have to teach me to say dosai every time I say dosa or tell me the nutritional value of rasam and sambhar. You don’t have to emphasize on how it is better than most other cuisines, especially better than Punjabi food. According to them, the South Indians have bred perfect logicians and mathematicians due to their disciplined eating habits, supporting the theory that since Punjabi food mostly consists of Paneer, they end up being ‘sardars’.

What’s with the ‘MORE IS MORE’ fixation? They like their actresses plump, always having little more to them than they can handle, or for that matter, more than the viewers can handle. Be it Hema Malini, Sri Devi, or even Rekha in her former years- one thing in common other than the South Indian connection-their waist sizes. They like their men in the movies to have larger than life personas, where the protagonist cuts the bullet in 2 halves with his blade. And then they proclaim to be practical in their approach towards things. They always have a plan that they will never disclose, a hidden agenda.

For them Kerala (Yes, South India is not a big state, but consists of many other states-one being kerela) is God’s own country. Every other place in the damn world is orphaned. Carnatic music is the only music to their ears; rest all is cacophony. They don’t understand the simple rule that when you are in company of people who don’t understand “Anda mudi kotu pudi”, you should try to talk in a language called-E.N.G.L.I.S.H. Heard of it? I am not even going to try and spell H.I.N.D.I.

They might be all this and more. But then they somehow enter your life; carve a place for themselves and leave an indelible imprint. Many such people I have had. I called them names (BSI-Bloody South Indians, Kaaliyaas, Southernerds) and played pranks on them. But whenever they left, they imprinted a certain amount of South Indianess on me. They are to India, what the French are to the world. The world might hate the French, but truth is they are sophisticated, well behaved and more humane than most other nationalities. I love them. Ditto for my BSIs. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!