This one is for all the guys, who have been driven into insanity by their girlfriends. But also for girls
who might be fitting the bill of the victimisers! Gone are the days of "It's not You, It's me!"
1. Follow a strict diet of eating onions, garlic and anything that is pungent. Then whisper naughty little sweet-nothings in her ears, possibly closer to her nose. And then plant the most UN-romantic kiss in the history of romances. Keep them coming and a few days later she will break the good news herself-“I wanna break up”
(Warning-Stay away from your friends during this time or you will lose them in the bargain)
2. Stare at a hotter girl when with her. Nothing works better than this. Even if the random girl is not that hot, you make her sound hot. Your girlfriend will question your fidelity and ultimately end up in a tearful, hurtful break-up. In this, chances are that you will be slapped and punched in the face. But do remember the ultimate goal of being a free single-guy.
3. Don’t wish her on her birthday. Forget the anniversaries that she ‘cares’ about so much. And then on her birthday/anniversary call up someone else and wish him/her. This will prompt her to leave you then and there. But this is the most dangerous of all; she could just about castrate you. Girls, can do crazy things and it is worth risking it if yours is as crazy.
4. Go on a vacation with your buddies and send her pictures of you-drunk, semi-nude with foreign chicks. Go to goa, preferably.
5. Get a weird hair color, new loud clothes and behave in a way that garners a lot of attention. If she is sophisticated, she will leave you after a few days.
6. Ask her to do things that she would not normally agree with (you know what I mean :-P). And tell her you won’t have it any other way. She will either DO THEM or she will leave you. Either way, you win.
7. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Tell her that you are dying and you want her to find love again before you die. Life is not as unreal as ‘A Walk to Remember’. She will leave you, after a little pushing-away and nagging.
8. Try reverse-psychology. Tell her that though things are not going well, you want to give it a shot. Fight a few days later. Tell her that you will commit suicide if she breaks-up with you. Tell her that even if she has not mentioned. She will patch up with you, fearing the suicide note. But then fight-again. This time, if she is courageous enough, she will break-up, bored of your suicide ultimatum. This is like slow-poison, sure but slow.
9. Take her to all the expensive places that she always wanted you to take her to. Then ask her to pay every time. Let her feel the pinch. Behave like a leech. Truth of life-girls like to have fun, until it is out of someone else’s pocket. She will leave you.
10. Stop taking her calls. Sever all communication. And then drop a mail on Facebook, or somewhere saying “Sorry, can’t be with you. I need time for myself.” Cruel, isn’t it? But C’est La Vie
PS-Girls, please don’t hate me. I will write 10 ways for you to break up…keep reading!
