Love & it’s Maladies (Part 2)

Sequels being the current fad, I decided to pen some more on the foibles of lovelorn couples. In case if you missed it, link to the prequel (http://errorcode404.blogspot.in/2013/09/anti-love-love-and-its-maladies.html). So without any beating around the bush, here’s the low down.

·         Petty Fights: The commonest thread amongst couples worldwide is to fight about insignificant, absolutely mundane things.  A guy, trying to warm up to his girlfriend, bought her a yellow t-shirt. Little did he know that this gesture of his will be misconstrued and he will get hell for it! Reason: He had given a yellow t-shirt to his ex-gf, which his current gf knew about. Hence, it was absolutely and completely crystal clear from this that he still had feelings for his ex-gf. (Please note that this is sarcasm. If you are a girl and you are agreeing with it, stop reading here and rather read about shoes or bags.)

·         Nicknames: She has a name, that too a very nice one. Why would you call her babyyyy, chocolate, shonna, shonnu, gullu, chullu? The most bizarre name that I recently overheard a girl was summoning her boyfriend with was Chottu (Read: Small). I didn’t know whether he was her man-Friday (obviously before dating), or it was a more read between the lines nickname.

·         Handbag holding chipmunk: Picture a guy, struggling to hold a lady bag in a way that would paint a masculine picture of him. Breaking News: It is an impossible feat to achieve, even if you are Arnold Schwarzenegger. So either you ask your girlfriend to carry it with her at all times, which I am sure you won’t have the balls to do, or suck it up and keep holding it in your hand until a guy, holding a bag in his hand out of choice, hits on you.

·         Free Home Delivery: Some girls treat their boyfriends as slaves (not in the 50 shades of grey way). If she needs bread from the store next to her house, Mr. super boyfriend will rent a cab, go 3 blocks, buy the bread, and deliver it on time. Still he will be scourged for not using his head, because after all when she meant bread, she obviously meant brown bread, and isn’t it a commonplace logic to buy eggs when you are asked to buy bread. The guy too will be profusely sorry for not using his intellect in making the bread+egg association.

Phew! After the previous one, I got many hate mails in my private mailbox. So I guessed that what wrote struck a chord somewhere…Even though it might have hit the wrong notes, I am just happy that it made some noise, if not music!

Anti-Love: Love and its Maladies

Some foolish, errant ‘loveholic’ once said “Love is blind”. I think what he really meant was “Love blinds you!” and maybe he didn’t find the nerve to say so because of the fear of his nagging girlfriend. I have been fortunate (sarcasm) enough to have been surrounded by people in relationships, and with the same people when they are out of relationships. If there were a graph of stupidity vs. time spent in a relationship, it would have been an exponential one, skyrocketing through the ceiling. What am I bantering about: Love makes you irrational, inconsiderate, anti-social, euphoric, possessive, and to put it is simpler words-plain stupid. Read on to find the telltale signs of individuals’ height of pettiness when in love.

·         Married to your phone: Thanks to the lack of space (physical and emotional) in our country, we often see couples talking over the phone from dawn to dusk (and to dawn again, as popularized by a commercial). To add to it are texts, whatsapps, and god knows how many more apps. There was a guy I knew who would mouth let’s say about 20 words a day, now talks through the night, not in person, and definitely not to me or his other friends, but into a phone. His girlfriend sleeps through it, she candidly confessed.

·         Gifts and Other goodies: Every day is an occasion for our love birds. And to mark every occasion is a gift. Even if they might miss buying fresh pair of underwear every month (which I feel is rule of the day), they will spend their hard-earned monies (or their parents’) on buying gifts for one another. Last silly occasion of a couple I heard was “The day we said I love you”. I puked in my mouth!

·         Misplaced Chivalry: Don’t you hate it when your rudest, most obnoxious friend suddenly becomes this mush ball? They pull the chairs not only for their girlfriends, but also her other friends; they order sophisticated & expensive food. And because of such guys, we look bad. I am NOT advocating impoliteness, but I find it impractical to go 20km out of my way to drop someone, in broad daylight.

·         Sick time, cozy time: People in relationships, you have to see them when either of them is sick. “Jaanu, take your medicine.” After 5min 32sec, “Jaanu, took your medicine? Now sleep”. After 3 min 18 sec, “Jaanu, why does your whatsapp show last seen 1 minute ago. I thought you were sleeping. Sleep now my chocolate. How will you get well?”

I have nastier dope on them, but enough toxicity for now…Maybe a sequel to this post... :P

After reading this you might want to read my earlier post: http://errorcode404.blogspot.in/2011/09/10-new-ways-to-break-up-with-your.html