Single and NOT Ready to Mingle

This is strictly for those who have been single for a large part of their lives and/or are planning to be single i.e contriving a nasty break up and/or are surrounded by people who claim to be happy in a relationship making them want to be in one; more importantly it is for people who run-away from commitment and pee in their pants when they even hear the ‘M’ word-Marriage.

I lived a happy life with all my single-best friends who would be at my beck and call and i would be at theirs. Everything was hunky dory in my sugar sweet life, until a cupid, or actually a bunch of them, went out and bit some of  my perfectly sane friends and they fell in a dreadful 4-lettered word L.O.V.E. Every now and then i would get a call from one of my baboons telling me how crazy they were about their respective boyfriends or girlfriends. I always egged them on as any supportive friend would and showed them my not-so-cynical side. One of them deserves a mention (although i would not reveal his identity). The guy was madly and famously in love with a childhood sweetheart. He called her his best friend. I told him that please don’t tarnish the role of a best friend and ask her out. Little did i know that he would take me so seriously, that he mustered the courage to do so; poor shy-guy got a royal rejection! Lucky me, i had never been turned down in my life (which is probably owing to the fact that i never did ask anyone) but now i was feeling terrible for my friend and completely guilty as it was my encouragement that had led to this complete discouragement. I helped him move on telling him that he was better off without her (how much of it was true, i cannot reveal as i am a convincing liar when it comes to keeping my pals happy). But this was not it. On an abominable night, i don’t know what was going on in my devious mind, i said to my Neo Devdas the unthinkable—‘’dude, i think you never really loved her. I always felt you and Emily(name changed on request) belong together.’’ Emily was his new best friend. i slept peacefully that night knowing that i had consoled him well, at least that was a way that had least bloodshed and/or tears. Just like how your tiny bhatija/bhatiji/bhanja/bhanji takes to the new toy you got him or her in no time, my friend took to his. And viola-i was the cupid who had just sung a romantic ballad in the virtual world of Emily and her new boyfriend...

 Another story is of a different couple. They had, i am assuming, accomplished everything that a couple does (or does not) by maintaining that they were ‘’just friends’’. These are the types i detest the most. They will canoodle and cuddle in front of the entire world in broad daylight, claiming that this is what friends do. Oh to hell with such people. I have a million friends and if i do anything of this sort with any of my female friends, they would stick a slap on my cheek. But later, lighting struck this couple and they came out of the closet (punt intended)!

Then i am just reminded of a different couple-the geek-nerd special combo. These are the funny types. I mean they are not funny, but being around them is. They discuss equations over the phone and write lovey-dovey notes when they exchange their books and world maps et al. Conducting mock vivas is their ideal date and out ranking each other in the exams is simply orgasmic.

Then there is the master slave couple. No, no, i am not referring to any sexual act, but i am referring to the behaviour of this kind of a couple. The girl uses her boyfriend to fetch her anything and everything she needs ranging from water to nail paint remover. I am sure he must be swabbing the floors whenever her maid fails to show up.

So that leaves us to this conclusion that we all, who are alone, are lucky and should not take this for granted. If you are nauseated by the love around you, then call me...trust me i will give you a 100 more reasons to be single.

PS- Any resemblance to real life is purely co-incidental.