You are not a Mumbaikar IF:

You are not a Mumbaikar IF:

The Maximum City, some call it Mumbai, some call it Bombay, some call it Bambai, and a lucky few call it home. I, unfortunately, don’t call it that yet, however, like a million others, I aspire to someday. THE CITY is inundated with people- people from all walks- the rich and the poor, the beautiful and the ugly, the maalkins and the naukranis, the Mercedes-walas and the Nano-walas. Yet, they have a thin thread that ties them together-dreams! If you were born and brought up in this city doesn’t mean that you are a Mumbaikar. You can’t own this sobriquet by birth or naturalization; you can neither buy it; you HAVE to earn it.  So here is the litmus test.

 You are not a Mumbaikar:

1.       If you don’t know that this city is actually a cluster of 7 fateful islands, then you should probably seek solace in the creeks that separate them or the big, blue sea.

2.       If you haven’t travelled in the local train/BEST bus in the past one week.

3.       If you haven’t seen a filmstar or small time TV star yet. Actually, even if you haven’t seen one, but have concocted a story and told at least one person, you can be condoned.

4.       If you prefer McDonald’s over Vada-Pav, it should be reason enough for you to not only leave the city, but also the state (as some political party might say!)

5.       If you haven’t yelled at some random person, early in the morning, for no fault of theirs. This is a typical Mumbai morning, where you want to start off your day with a verbal tiff, and for the brave-hearts, it generally is a fist-fight.

6.       If you don’t know what tujhya aaila means/ or if you haven’t used it and you go for the highly urbane curse words.

7.       If you haven’t walked on the pavement of Marine Drive past midnight.

8.       If you don’t know which side is east and which side is west. For example: Wadala West is on Dadar’s East and Sakinaka lies between Andheri East and Ghatkopar West (But Powai lies nowhere, that is my general frustration) And also, Matunga Road is on Western Line and Matunga is on Central line.

9.       If you don’t know that Mumbai has more taxis than NYC.

10.   If you haven’t faced space constraints. As this is the only city were the jhuggis have 8 people sleeping in a small room which costs more than an apartment in a decent-sized town in India.

11.   If you haven’t spent an evening by the ocean (either alone, or snogging your girlfriend/boyfriend).

12.   If you hate the heat. I mean I agree no one likes the sweat, but they don’t call it khoon PASINE (sweat)ki kamai for nothing.

13.   If you think there is something in the whole world that you can’t get in Mumbai.

14.   If you don’t find friends here. And if that is the case, sorry to say, chances are that you will remain alone anywhere. Beneath tough exteriors, Mumbaikars have a soft-as-a-marshmallow heart.

15.   If you sleep dreamlessly!!! It is the city of the restless…

And the list goes on…but the most important of all is the never-say-die, don’t give-up attitude that keeps the city going. The city knows how to work hard, how to party harder, how to reach out and how to march ahead. If you want anything, out of life, I am sure this is the place to be! (I hope so, at least!)