An Email to God

This is an article of mine published in my college magazine after I left college...Well, I edited (updated)it a bit. SO I took on the onus of writing am email to God to make him a little happy. I mean after all the anarchy around us, he too needs a little cheering up now, doesn't He? Read on to find out how to write an email to the actual Boss-GOD...comment on this post, as God, too, will be reading.

Dear God,

Hi! I hope it is not inappropriate to say ‘hi’ to the Omnipotent. But then if there are bollywood dances being performed at the Royal Wedding, in front of the Firm, the equivalent of you in the Kingdom of the west, then propriety needs to be redefined. You would wonder why an email? Well, with all the clamour of worldly noises surrounding you, it has been difficult reaching to you using the mundane methods- prayers, pujas, havans, etc. And I thought if man could progress from wired telephony, to cell-phony (and even to plain ‘phony’, You would agree), why could You not switch to more convenient media? You would be wondering why I am blabbering without any rhyme or reason, as You must be having a lot on Your agenda. Well, I have no favours to ask of You, and I don’t say this in a manner a certain angry young man from the movie-biz said. I am here to take care of You. I know, I know, You are the Caretaker, You don’t need one. But in troubled times like these, where a certain old man called Anna Hazare pulls off a Gandhi (almost a Gandhi); where chief minister after chief minister is declared to be a plunderer; where countries are still trying to see the light of freedom; where discrimination on the basis of caste, creed, sex is still rampant- you sure deserve a little entertainment. Do I promise a paisa vasool entertainer? Well, I am at least sure that you will get your money’s worth unlike the audiences of Ra.ONE.

So here is the plan. I have surveyed a few of my friends, foes, kith and kin, and asked them what they were happy about in the last year or two. With this I am trying to send you positive vibes that you  must be devoid of in this ‘Apple’ age, and yeah, I aint talking about the fruit of wisdom. So please keep up. Well, let me begin then. Something that you should know is that even in this sullen world, there are people who are partying hard. And with people, I mean my fellow TSECites. They partied, God, for various reasons- placements, last DJs in the festivals, farewell and mostly Goa. You can afford to live in a paradise, we cannot afford a 1BHK in the far off suburbs of even Navi Mumbai, but we can sure go on a trip to paradise. Off they all went, to goa, but on different dates and did a few devious things there, but I won’t mention them to you as they might upset you. But just watch Dum Maaro Dum for details. I can send you a pirated torrent link if your internet is fast enough!

Dancing, goa, partying and all must seem quite frivolous to you, I agree. But, God, when these just about to pass out BE s were and still are saying their parting words, you can see true friendship surface. It is amusing to see the college jocks, who would otherwise be stoic and never display any emotion, do an uninhibited Shabana Azmi and letting their expressive side out. The relief students had on their faces when their final journals were certified, was a moment I hope you did not miss out on. If you did, then go on to facebook and check out a few of IT students’ photos, theirs was a battle worth watching. The other refreshing change was that no one played papa kehte hai bada naam during these last few days. It has become extremely hackneyed, if you have it on your ipod, please remove it!

It was a proud moment for the country to bring home the World Cup. For that, we all owe you one! People were running down the streets and were making merry as if there was no tomorrow. Sachin Tendulkar is the new you, if you read the local dailies. Please, don’t be jealous of all the attention he is getting. He deserves it and you know it! Although I do have a petition to make- please give the poor journalists some sense so as to not abbreviate Dhoni’s name as MSD, sounds more like LSD! It is very denigrating and an unfortunate combination of alphabets to form someone’s initials.

Another thing that would please you was that this few weeks there was no or very little of Rakhi Sawant on television. I am not bad-mouthing Rakhi, but then it was becoming too much of her everywhere. She had become Omnipresent and considered herself Omnipotent, I am sure. Then again, Dolly Bhindra filled in her shoes, socks and what not, and kept us in splits with her antics. She has inspired many a scientist to find the missing link between apes and humans. But kudos to her, it was brave of her to come on national television without any make-up. It sent down chills down our spines. 

There were many more things that made me and people happy-Natural ice cream’s new flavours; the sale at Vero Moda; the Galaxy tab, I pad’s cheap cousin; the drops of rain water across my face when I first drove my bike in Mumbai; my father’s face when I wrote a story book for him; me and my best friend rejoicing on being part of the same company (2 of them); my neighbour when she realised she was cured of breast cancer; and the list is endless. I hope you did notice that happiness is found only if one sets out to find it. It is not God-gifted (pun intended). I regaled in these small, unassuming things and smiled everyday not worrying about the problems and tribulations that engulfed me. Because you know it, there were many! Isn’t that what it’s all about at the end of the day- the self-realization that no one but you yourself is the cause of happiness or sadness. So buck up old man, and go on a vacation (Goa). The world will rotate around its own axis without you. Forget about the corruption scams, recessions, global-warming and rejoice in your own name. You are God and you can do anything. If you are happy and mirthful up there, it will surely reverberate down on us!

Love to the kids and missus!

Rohit...(surname is too big L)

PS- Where did i get your email id? Let’s just say I have my sources! Don’t worry, I won’t publicise it!

:-P

 

To my Late Father- Steve Jobs

Yes, I consider Steve Jobs my father. “Why?”- You ask. Well, duhhhh, one-for he created me, meticulously and ingeniously, and two-for he held me dearer to him than his actual family. So, today, with my heart full of grief, I speak to you all about the man I loved the most. It is my eulogy to my Father-a hippie, a geek, an artist, an innovator, a techie, a visionary, actually a TECHNISIONARY! I am iPad 2, and this is my ode to that very man who redefined ‘I’nnovation.

First of all, I know my voice is sounding funny, actually very catty, but that is because I am talking through Talking Tom (TM)! This is will all sound very ridiculous in the voice of a Cat I know, but then what options do I have- to talk like a dog, hippo, or a funny little creature who’s species is not clear to me. Anyways, let me not digress. So, Steve, or iPaa as I and my siblings, iPhone and iPod address him, was a crazy person. Well, I wouldn’t lie- his craziness was sometimes good and sometimes bad. I mean hitting people and firing them for not being able to pull off a certain design after 48 straight, sleepless, working hours- is a little barbaric I know. But what people don’t know is-that with every such engineer hired by iPaa, the man himself spent sleepless nights in presenting to the world avant-garde products. He was like what Armani or Cavalli are to the Fashion Industry-a pure artist. So people, I know iPaa’s short temper is much talked about, so is his weird ways of handling things, but what is not talked about is his humane side-that he was a regular guy (although under irregular circumstances) made of bone and flesh. Why is it that accomplishments of people are always over-shadowed by one little vice that they might possess or display on an odd occasion, I would never understand.

iPaa has always proved to be a fighter- he battled cancer, his lull period in his career, his personal distress and emerged victorious-if not in all but at least in some. He was a dreamer-a big one. I remember him telling me how he had a vision of changing the way world listens to music before the inception of my brother, and how gratifying it felt that he had actually achieved it. I mean c’mon in the music world there were those big, bulky, records, then the cassettes and CDs, and then was the era of the iPod. He was always dissatisfied with his achievements; I think all great men are and that is what propels them to such great heights. Laptops everyone had-iPaa knew it. He wanted to make the slimmest and most beautiful laptop ever-a thing of beauty and was born my sister the MacBook Air. I am sure that was what Picasso had on mind when he was creating Les Demoiselles d'Avignon-something that was not drastically different, yet, something that was impactful. Picasso gave birth to Cubism, Steve gave birth to ‘I’ism.

The last few days, when he was fighting his last battle, his doctor advised to take him off electronics. But so adamant was iPaa, that he wanted me and he got it. This was the time I was closest to the Tech-Titan. I was there when I saw the man succumbing to his illness; losing the battle that he didn’t want to embark upon. He knew he was going to die long ago and he had given up-he wanted to leave with dignity. The last words he said,”Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow!”. Perhaps, another vision; or perhaps, the white light that engulfed his soul! The genius bid adieu in a mystical fashion that was expected of him. May he rest in peace! I am sure other souls in heaven would want to benefit-may be a few gadgets he would create for them! As for us mortals, I am not sure how much more of the Wisdom Fruit (APPLE) is left to be bitten!