Thesis on Friendly Behavior and Creatures Termed as “FRIENDS”

Man, famously known as the social-animal (despite his many anti-social elements), loves to be surrounded by a throng of people, whom he more often than not mistakenly calls his Friends. We study in this thesis the purpose and peculiarities of these creatures, their importance in one’s personal life, their detrimental effect on one’s health (smoker befriends smoker paradigm) and the mother of all questions- who are friends after all?

Oxford Dictionary has a foul, defecation-like definition of friend-“a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relation” . First of all, it’s too concise. I mean I know they had to fit in all-so-many words in one little book, but elaborating a little more wouldn’t have killed them. Moreover, I think the definition is out-dated. Mutual Affection-honestly, seems like the writers of the lexicon, were short of words. Plus, the sexual part isn’t completely true-Friends with Benefits-ring a bell to you? (this part is strictly not based on my personal life or my affiliation with my friends. It has purely been platonic.)

(Enough about the dictionary definition! Back to the theory now! The writer has a bad habit of digressing.)

Postulate 1: Total number of friends in one’s life is a fixed constant. (Partial credit to a certain friend for helping me come up with this one!)

The “capacity of friendliness” is like the power of adsorption of a substance, purely based on the composition of subject-in the former case, it’s the person’s true, innate nature. So, if you are trying to befriend more people than you can actually handle, you will realize the true paradoxical nature of this thesis- you will feel all the more alone. Lonely, to be precise!

Postulate 2: Number of Facebook friends is inversely proportional to your friends in real life

(People who have more than a 1000 Facebook friends, please dismiss the writer as a maniac and navigate back to Facebook)

The reason why you got so many friends on “The Social Network” in the first place is that you have spent a big chunk of your life liking and tagging people and pleasing them with the saccharine and sugar-sweet life. What about the bad part? Facebook doesn’t have a Dislike button. You know why? Because then people would stop going there.

Postulate 3: A Friend to All is a Friend to None

Everybody’s friend can be your friend, but never the best one. He/She will be discreet about things until you will learn about them on twitter/ Facebook or through India TV (If you are that happening and have famous friends). Litmus test to identify such friends- ask them a question about taking a stance about someone, if they fail, then they belong to this category.

Postulate 4: You can have ONLY ONE Best Friend

This is the truest of the postulates. You might have a lot of close friends and choosing one of out of the lot, might seem like a challenge (being true in the writer’s case), but there’s always one friend who’s true to you, at least truer than the rest. It may happen that one is the best out of the lot for a time-span, then there’s someone else. So if you have the time, keep a list every month. (You are a LOSER if you actually do this!)

(Enough with the thesis! Friends are Friends, with whom you can kick-back, relax, and sip a beer (sherbet in some cases, where people are from small towns, like in the case of the writer)! Families are your inheritance- you may like your aunt’s husband or may completely detest your paternal aunt, but you have to put up with them. With friends-they are the family you choose. So do as they say in any Telebrands commercial-“Choose wisely, live well”)

Below song dedicated to ONLY those friends with whom I have laughed my heart out!

PS- +1 it on google icon if you like it, or share on FB J

The Boy-Who-Wanted-to-be-KNOWN

I have always claimed that my blog contains everything imaginative (except for my personal story -The Connection, which was well read and appreciated, thank you!). But I faced a lot of flak over the authenticity of my other posts and its resemblance to people’s real lives. I don’t know why they would think that MY world (and my blog) would revolve around them (sigh)! But neither am I denying that Art Imitates Life. So if you think my blog mentions you, sleep well thinking that you are going to be famous, (as it is not even a month old and already has 2000 reads and counting) and stop bickering!

So this was about the people who don’t want to figure on my blog (But you never did, anyway!). But then, I have a friend, who is as weird ass as I am. And he comes with this sincere request- “Can you post about me?” How could I decline! Someone, even if from a different planet altogether, thought that my blog, my HUMBLE, stupid blog was a place where he could be written about, I was going to oblige, open heartedly. Moreover, it would be very useful to shut the gossip-mongers.

Oh, what should I say about him! I am sure when he meant that I should write good things about him, but did he say that explicitly? NO! So, I am going to write nasty, yet endearing things about him. You can either love him or you can really, really HATE him, there is no middle-ground. He is loud. LOUDER than my blog; louder than pandemonium of a 1000 drum rolls; even louder than Kareena’s lipstick in Chameli (I paused for about a min or 2, imagining Kareena’s lips and more :-P). But the best part about him is that he is unapologetic about it! Tell him he is loud, he will show you that he can take it to the next level; tell him that he is crass and he will display such behavior that you will forget all the sophistication. He is a simple man-happy and always smiling, and laughing. At first when I met him, I gave him the most disdained and disgusted look that I could manage with my facial muscles. This is what normally people feel-electrocuted! But then you get used to it and stoop down to his level of mediocrity.

People always claim to be honest, kind, peaceful and content. He has no such pretense. His assurance about being “jealous of you even if you are my best friend”, ”I am not going to tip the waiter, isn’t that his job?”, ”Listen, it’s just white lies (even though the lies are so blatantly colored that even he forgets the truth)!”, ”Why should we spend 200 for that movie, if we can watch this for 60?”, ”I should get half a mark more for this answer!”. You must be thinking what a whacko he is! But then it is in such peculiarities, I find a person who is honest (at least to me), generous and vaguely content.

There are people who live ordinary lives- they go to cool restaurants; they wear branded clothes; they dance to house music; they brag about how expensive they are. But then there is he-he goes to restaurant where you get Chinese Thali; he wears branded clothes (I think if I write otherwise, his girlfriend will ditch him :-P); he goes to a club and does garba; he brags about how cheap he is!

There are people who are not even worth writing a sentence about, but such a b*****d he is that I can’t stop writing. He is a friend to behold; he is the Boy-Who-Wanted-to-be-KNOWN.

(Readers please note that you can click on the +1 google button to like it, or share with your friends. I am just trying to publicize (I know it’s cheap) because it is an assurance of some sort.)

The Three Loveless Friends (Part 1)

There are people who bond over food; then there are people who bond over music; but there are people who just bond. This is a tale of 3 friends who bonded on nothing in common only to discover-they after all had a common thread that tied them together. So let me introduce you to the weird trio and their not-so-docile friendship.

The first one was a black-eyed, dark skinned, narcissistic boy from the land of innocence. (At least that is what appeared at the outset.) He loved himself and this is an understatement. He was fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, but disarmingly charismatic. Everybody loved him. And that was the problem. Everybody loved him, except for that one girl he always dreamed of. No he wasn’t a testosterone driven teenager; he was a tiny man in the 2^nd standard. Yes, it was since then he was looking for love. But was love around the corner? Yes, it was. But the problem was that he was always at the wrong corner. This time, he was at the right place and at the right time.

The second one was a loud, thick skinned girl. Beautiful she was, but then as they say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. She was in college and she was almost a he. Hung out with guys, wanted to play cricket; got into fist fights; and when she got to abusing, she could put a boy to shame. She would angry at the slightest and would fall in love at the slightest. It was as if the world was a slippery floor, and she was the only one in that paradise-slipping and tripping, falling in LOVE. Her dreams were big, so big that no guy had the courage to handle them (or her for that matter). But one day, things changed.

The third was a geek, the guy who spent his life in cyber space. He was funny, sharp, witty. Good for him, right? But at the same time was bespectacled, loud and annoyingly successful at whatever he did. He was the horse that ran in a derby for himself, inching towards the finishing line with a gallant pace, irrespective of where he stood in the race. Girls liked him. They LIKED him! And that was the problem in his case. No one fell in love…But then his luck was about to shine. After all luck herself is a Lady, isn’t she? And she was gonna smile bright-not only on him, but on all 3 of them.

These luckless souls hadn’t met until now! And that was for their good, and also for the good of others around them. But then destiny can be an Itch with a ‘B’. By now if you are under the impression that this is a love-triangle straight out of a bollywood movie, then you are in for a rude shock. Because, the time they met, it was obvious that they would be friends and nothing more. (But isn’t this what always happens at the start?)

When the 1^st guy met with the girl, he liked her. But then she was not for him. He wanted better (read hotter), even though he looked like a chipmunk and behaved like one too. The girl, being herself, fell in love with him. It was her habit, a pastime for her. She would meet him again and again with petty reasons. And he loved the attention.

Enter 3^rd guy. In normal circumstances, the guys should have become bitter enemies, but became the best of friends. The girl fell out of love. But weirdly enough, she didn’t fall for the 3^rd guy. She liked this feeling of not mushing over a guy. The three of them were the devil’s children! Always together and always up to pranks, but little did they know that life had played one on them! It was about to unravel. But all in good time!!!

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(Kya) Har Ek Dost Zaroori Hota hai?

Had I been accumulating all my friends since my childhood and had been capable of maintain friendships with them with each and every one of them, my life would have resembled a crowded compartment of Mumbai Local train. Friends are important. PERIOD. How important? If you are asking this question to yourself identify which category your friend belongs to. Then formulate your own POA.

1.       The Fun type- This is the best of all kinds of friends. You will find yourself happy and enjoying every moment of your time with this friend. If you are a couple of guys, you will end up ‘line marooning’ at the nearest hot spot, and if you are a couple of gals, you will end up catching the latest chick flick in town. These type of friends are carefree and you know can count on them for having a good time.

2.       The-cry-baby type- If you haven’t encountered one such friend yet, then probably you have remained friendless for a major portion of your life. These are the cribbers. “How hot it is yaar?”,”Why do I face traffic when I have to be on time?”, ”Why has my girlfriend/boyfriend ditched me for someone hotter? (DUHHH)” They have the answers to all of their questions. But it is their goal to make sure you are involved in their life as much as possible. And it is mostly for complaining and nagging.

3.       The wanna-be-cool type- These people generally hail from small towns (Ironical, that I too am from a small town) and they will do everything that is there in the To-be-Cool rule book. From gelling their hair to using then f word as a noun, verb, adjective and I guess sometimes as a preposition too. You are aware of theirs this kind-off behavior, but then it is sometimes just pure entertaining to let them continue and be a silent spectator.

4.       The vulgar type- Oh, you need such kind of friends. They provide you with the much needed relief from the everyday stress. They crack the dirtiest of jokes and, though, you are judging, you are the one who laughs the most at them. They make everything sound dirty-from phone vibrations to the act of getting milk with dexterous ease.

5.       The nerdy type- If you are student, you will miss them the most during tests and exams. If you are working, you will need them when you realize you are devoid of the brains to execute a particular task. These people, however boring they might be, they are necessary. It is vital that you be in their “good” books, as being nerds, they might be having many (books).

6.       The 4 am type- I mean the literal ones-the ones who are always awake. On an odd day you might just be awake in the wee hours and might a need a quick fix of friendship. No rona-dhona, just plain talk. Then these are the people you will turn to. They are caffeine sipping, power-bar munching people who are as sleepless as vampires.

7.       The over-friendly type- They will leave no stone unturned to get your attention. But such friendships are very temporal in nature and don’t last in the long run. Mostly, you will be bogged down by the excessive attention you get from them or they might just become freakishly over friendly that you feel like a contestant in Big Boss/Brother.

8.       The Last Type- They are a few and they are the best. They are the ones with whom you share your deepest emotions and darkest secrets; they are the ones with whom you withhold no boundaries; they are the ones with whom you can be yourself. This type of friendship runs deep. It might not come with an expiry tag, but don’t take it for granted that it will last a lifetime. Live in the moment and hold on to them as hard as you can. If you have even one such friend, you are living a life worth-living. And if you have more than one, then what can I even say?

So, go on. Identify who fits what bill. If you dont like a particular type, then its time for you to act. Post it on the wall of your friend who is on the list and let him/her keep guessing what you think about him/her. Also, if you like it, please press +1 google button.